We spent the last eight days in the hospital with Stanley. I wasn't sure if I should dedicate a whole blog to this but realize this is life and something I do want to remember even as horrible as it was. Sometimes it is good to remember the bad so we can really enjoy the good.
Late Friday night Stanley was up crying and whining the whole night. Earlier that day I noticed he had a runny nose but he was a happy boy so didn't think much of it. He had to be held and rocked all night and by morning I could see he was struggling to breath like the last time we went into the hospital. I wasn't sure it was bad enough to go into the hospital. So he got a blessing (thank you Jim) and we headed into pediatric urgent care. When we got there his oxygen count was 90 just about the point where they would hospitalize him. So they gave him medicine in hopes that would calm him down and his oxygen count would get better. We stayed at urgent care for 2 hours waiting it out. Things were not getting better and Stanley was inconsolable. They sent us to Mary Bridge - this time not in an ambulance. Thank heavens.
When we got to Mary Bridge his oxygen count was down to 83. He also had not eaten since Friday night. So they put him straight on oxygen and an IV. I was very hopefully things would get better from there. It didn't! Sunday night we ended up in PICU. They could keep his oxygen count up with oxygen but he would not calm down his work of breathing. A normal baby takes about 30-40 breaths per minute and he was up in the 70-80's for days. They were worried he would tire from how hard he was working and eventually stop so they decided to put him on high flow oxygen. Which is like a CPAP. Warm moist air 50% oxygen blowing into his nose. They said it is like sticking your head out the window on the highway. He also got a feeding tube put in but it made things worse, so they put another feeding tube in but this time passed his stomach and placed it in his intestines (he later pulled it out himself), which seemed to work. A couple days on that and his breaths per minute were still really high. Tuesday they kept talking about putting him on a ventilator. My heart was breaking. I am not sure I was ready to see him hooked up to machine that was doing the breathing for him. Tuesday night doctors were called into the room and they were prepping him for ventilator when they decided to try one more thing, albuterol. And thank goodness it calmed his rate down enough that he did not need to be on a ventilator. From there he was continually on albuterol and his breathing rate went down and his oxygen levels stayed up. Thursday we finally moved out of PICU. Friday night we had a little set back and he couldn't stay off of oxygen or keep his level up. But Saturday he was doing better and could stay off of oxygen so we were able to go home! They sent us home with albuterol for an inhaler and nebulizer knowing he was not a 100% yet. And also in case this happens again maybe we can control it at home.
They labeled it as Bronchiolitis again caused by the Rhino Virus. They say that bronchiolitis is like an ear infection; some kids are just prone to them due to the way their canals are. So Stanley was just built with small lung passage ways. Which means when he gets sick he has a hard time breathing. They said he will outgrow it around the age of 2. So hopefully we can keep him healthy for at least the summer and maybe by next winter he will be big enough to not be hospitalized. I also think there might be an underlining issue of asthma or reactive airway disease. Since this is the second time being hospitalized and he responded to albuterol the likelihood of that being the case is high. We are scheduled to visit with a pulmonologist in hopes of more answers. So now to get healthy and stay that way.
The hardest thing for me was not the little if any sleep or sitting in the hospital all day but the guilt. Do I do too much and expose him to too many germs, could I have a cleaner house, did I not make my other kids stay off of him, did I get him sick? So many thoughts of how I may not be the best mom for Stanley kept flooding through my mind. I know I am not perfect but I swear I will do everything in my power to keep him healthy. He is very much loved and important to us. Knowing what's best will be hard.
Through this sorrow came many many joys and blessings. I think that is what touched me the most in this experience. One we are so blessed with the many people in our lives. Stanley is loved by so many. We were blown away with all the visits, meals, help with the other kids, and kind words. We even had to turn people away because we had so much help.
Grandpa was there often to hold Stanley. And Stanley knew it was him and would be happy in his arms. You could feel Grandpa's love for him beaming out.
Justin and Mechelle came up from Portland and stayed a night with us. Which was so needed. They were able to get me laughing and smiling for a little. Which felt great. Yes this is Mechelle crying from laughing so hard. Poop is funny :)
My mother and mother in law spent many nights with our kids at home and I cannot thank them enough for their time. I know my kids are not the easiest. I love them both very much.
We had so many visitors, meals, and help with the kids (play dates) - Trissa came up and held Stanley so I could shower (it had been days), the Wiest's, Kathryn (kept me company so I would not be sad and lonely and played with my kiddos), Places, Marie, Corinne, Pat, Makayla, Mary, Caudill's, Stewarts, JoLin and Ben, Randi, Mueller's, Jessica, Brandon and Rebecca, Larson's, Adam's (for the wonderful gift card to the hospital cafeteria). Thank you all! Everyday my kids had play dates set up so Grandma could have a little break and to keep them happy. There were so many people offering to help we had to turn people away! I appreciate all the help, the kind words, thoughts, and prayers. So many people were in contact with me seeing how we were holding up. I firmly believe the prayers helped. We all felt so loved, as my grandma would say "my love bucket was overflowing."
My kids had so much fun I actually think they might prefer us to stay away :) Which makes me so happy to know they were well taken care of.
Second I know that joy always comes after sorrow. The joys I felt when Stanley took his first bottle again,
his first smile after many days of not seeing it,
when McKay and Clifton got to come visit and I had all three of my kiddos together again,
being alert and playing with toys,
a wonderful husband that dropped everything to be there for us and take care of the whole family (I am so lucky to have him as my husband but even more lucky to have him as the Father of my children),
and going home.
Lots of joys and things to be thankful for. Plus while we were there we saw many families that had been there for months and I know things could have been worse. I am thankful we were able to come home in 8 days.
Third the hospital is wonderful. I am thankful that if I have to be in the hospital that we have a good one close by. We had some amazing nurses that really cared so much for Stanley. There was also volunteers there that I was so impressed with. We were offered an apartment during our stay at the PICU (which we did not accept because there were many others that needed it and limited space plus I couldn't leave Stanley). The volunteers brought dinners to families. They also come by rooms and asked if they could help in any way and if we needed a visitor. What wonderful people. We did not need anything because we had lots of friends offer help but what a great option for other families. I plan on going back and volunteering or making dinners for families in need.
